Breaking news..
Isle of Wight 6 May 2007
IoW Randonee officials were last night quick to scotch rumours that minor celebrity and later Coventry City manager Micky Adams, was seen at various parts of the island during Sunday's race.
Micky Adams, who's preferred position was left-back and who's career saw him score 4 goals in the 1993-94 Premiership season with Southampton before joining Fulham on a free transfer, was seen by various IoW 'inbreds' during the 6 hour marathon race without…
1. food
2. water
3. cash
One local islander, Terry, who was 'spooning' his sister at the Red funnel car park ferry terminal in Cowes, stated that he spoke at length with a man regarding this description about 'The Sun's' newspaper allegations (of October 2007) suggesting that Adams was in line to return to management with recently relegated League One side Brentford almost 9 years after being sacked following a similar relegation to League Two (then known as Division Three).
The man just asked to be 'left alone with Frank…' witnesses say he later boarded a 'Sea Cat' to Ventnor.
Curiously, earlier that day, almost 30 miles away from the first sighting, a family of Alpaca's spotted a burly, cheeky chirpy, stocky man, scoffing on a Bounty Bar near Yarmouth. Eye witnesses distinctly saw him doing 273 'kick ups' and 'nutmegs' and 'having a laugh' with locals whilst waiting for the No. 56 Bus from Yarmouth to Whitwell. One bus driver stated that 'he just wouldn't shut up' talking about his days playing football with Chris Waddle and sharing shower gel with Micky Shannon.
At 2.45pm an ice cream vendor gave a man, fitting Adams' description, a lift from Kents Farm to Yarmouth. The man in question stated that he'd had 'no trouble' thumbing a lift with 'people like you'. Strangely, the burly left back (as described by the vendor) asked if he could 'get off' before Yarmouth so as to 'not make it obvious' to everyone…
On further questioning, the minor celebrity asked if he could chomp on a '99' before he said his goodbyes…
Although unsubstantiated, some Yarmouth 'oiks' felt they had encountered an aggressive 'swarthy' individual, carrying a bike, boarding a steam locomotive from Yarmouth station to Alvestone. Reports suggested he looked 'flustered' and was "Fu&ked off with Frank…"
Locals never saw this child or partner…
Yeah whatever
Hester busts a few myths
about two-wheeling
Myth 1: Cycling is for the hardened eco-purist. False- Cycling is merely for the impatient. Anyone who has flown through two sets of lights and a pod of somnolent commuters on hands-frees standing too close to the road, and still got into work by 9am knows the value of two wheels. You can bet your life that the foot-stamper you see at the busstop is merely suffering from a puncture they are too lazy to mend, all the while re-evaluating the worth of their trusty Raleigh shopper.
Myth 2. A pair of wheels makes you attractive to the opposite sex. Henry VIII calves are not a virtue in females. Plus standing in full reflective garb outside a supermarket of a winter's night, people assume you're part of the staff and start complaining about the lack of trolleys. The nearest thing to a chat-up line I've ever encountered was at some lights by Piccadilly Circus, when a man on a mountain bike said jovially 'It's not every day you see a fixed gear and flip-flops.'
Myth 3. There is a fraternity of cyclists on the streets. Sadly not. Taking off from the lights in a caffeine-pumped early morning fluorescent peloton will reveal that this is a lie. There is of course an implicit pecking order, but it's hell for leather to get to the front of the line before an accelerating taxi puts you back in your place. And heaven forbid you get stuck behind a fat middle manager on a Brompton coming over Blackfriars Bridge.
Myth 4. Cycling keeps you healthy. Unfortunately, a serious pedalling habit will bring on emphysema as reliably as Benson & Hedges. Twenty minutes rasping through the sub-zero February fog, interspersed with the happy oases of bus exhausts before you reach a 25-degree office is not a recipe for top santé. Plus you have a perma-snotty nose. Which looks great when you pitch up for a night out, especially after you've untucked your ball-dress from your lycra shorts.
Myth 5. It's cool to have a hobby. Actually, it seems to make people think you are a less interesting person than your meagre wit would first have led them to believe. Witness every office present I have ever received being puncture-repair / warm-glove related. Then when you start talking about sprockets, or the bargains to be had on e-bay, peoples eyes glaze over.
Myth 6. Cycling is a cheap transport option. False. Again. How I regret my hubris when I cast aside the Oyster card, and chuckled smugly at my friends forking out for Ken's monthly travel tax. How I laughed on the other side of my face once I had bought lights, gloves, rucksack, waterproof, and a lock worth the best part of an i-pod. And putting this down to a one-off payment, again for inner tubes, replacement batteries, a hat. Not to mention six months later, purchasing the latest Campagnolo jacket from Condor Cycles.
Yet finally – Myth 7. Cycling is dangerous and only for belligerent sports-freaks. Once again, I disagree. An estimated 450,000 pedal-pushed journeys are made in the capital daily, with very few casualties every year. And the beauty of London Fields when the sun is setting on an autumn evening, or a pair of couriers performing an aerial ballet at traffic lights, or stitching together Oxford Street's traffic, is closer to poetry than mere sport.